Blog
Self-sabotage: How To Get Out Of Your Own Way
9 June, 2020
The self-sabotage struggle is real for so many of us and it’s preventing so many high-flying, ambitious career women take control of the direction of their life. Self-sabotage stops us before we even start, causes us to take on things that have nothing to do with our goals leaving us next to no time to do more of what brings us joy and keeps us inside our comfort zone preventing self-growth and learning from failures.
We’re going to delve deep into the following;
- What limiting beliefs are holding you back?
- What are your fixed realities?
These exercises require you to journal, you’re going to delve deep. Self-awareness and self-reflection go hand in hand, use these exercises to prompt journalling, deeper reflection and gain more self-awareness. There is no right or wrong – what comes up for you – is.
“He who know’s others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” Lao Tzu
Exercise 1:
Step 1: Identify and list all the negative opinions you hold about yourself:
Limiting beliefs common in women:
“I’m not enough” (good enough, educated enough, thin enough, strong enough, young enough)
Others I’ve heard:
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I need to make others happy so I won’t be rejected.
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I can’t be happy until he/she changes.
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I have to earn other people’s approval to feel good about myself.
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If I let people really get to know me, they won’t like me.
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I have to stay in the relationship because I can’t make it on my own.
Step 2: Consider how you formed these negative opinions about yourself.
Step 3: Write down who or what contributed to these opinions and beliefs?
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teacher at school? your parents? toxic relationships? Personal experience?
Step 4: How has your behaviour reinforced it?
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avoided taking projects on at work? Not signed up to things or put yourself in the limelight, public speaking? Not gone for promotion or a job you love? In your personal life what have beliefs stopped you from doing? Signing up to that Marathon? Buying that designer dress?
Step 5: Do you want to continue believing them? This is the hard part, and the most exciting part – you have to take responsibility for the changes!
The big powerful question is: “What would you attempt in life if you didn’t believe this about yourself?
You can use what I’ve shared for every negative opinion you have about yourself – start with one, it’s eye-opening and will change you life.
When you become self-aware the more you’re able to recognise that you beliefs, assumptions and past experiences will limit your view.
Exercise 2:
When you’re feeling like you’re getting in your own way, pin point where you’re stuck – and when I say stuck, I’m talking about your assumptions about your current situation and towards taking action towards your goals/ dream life, literally write down a list of your assumptions…
Examples:
I don’t have time to change my lifestyle
I can’t say no to my boss
I have to drop everything every time the office rings
I don’t have the time to workout or to cook
I can’t change careers as I need the money
There are no jobs out there at the moment
No-one is giving promotions
Next;
Choose one assumption and flip it (reverse it)
Examples:
I don’t have time to work out or to cook
I do have time to workout and cook
Then list as many ways you can make the reverse true:
I do have time at 5:30am in the morning
I do have 15 minutes of time before the kids wake up
I do have 30 minutes to go for a walk on my lunch break
I do have 1 hour before I go to bed if I stop watching Netflix
Now you can make it true:
I’ll get up at 5:30am tomorrow and do a 20 minute morning Hiit session.
I’ll double batch my cooking tonight and put left overs in tubs while I watch some TV in the background.
I’ll do an online order of healthy food during my lunch break to be delivered for when I’m home from work.
This is personal responsibility – you have a choice to make a change and to get out of your own way.
We all have our own version of success, it’s exciting to vision what life will be like when we get there, but we can forget or lose perspective on what we’re going to have to do or go through to get there.
As always the key is to implement what you learn, you focus is to take action and by taking action you will be taking steps towards a growth mindset, one that embraces challenges, persists in the face of setbacks and the effort is always worth it.
Heidi Jones coaches high-flying career women to take action to balance their health, happiness and career goals. Join her New Free Online Healthy Lifestyle & High Flying Career 5 Day Challenge and learn the tools to help you take control of the controllable. Follow @heidi_jones_coaching or visit her website heidijonescoaching.com
Listen to: The Heidi Jones Coaching Podcast
